All the girls and boys
Come out and play tonight
We'll stay past seventeen
As we grow in our twenty-something's
Swinging on the swing set
all singing

La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la
La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la
This ain't a lullaby
If we can't stay out tonight

Running just too fast
We'll all be heard
Paint the windows with apathy
Playing games with words
You hide and I'll be it this time
all singing

La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la
La-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la
I won't grow up if you won't
Not if we grow up like them

All silent now
We forgot who we were
Sleeping in our beds
With no stories to keep us warm
No past to look back on
none singing

Somewhere over the rainbow
There's a man who grants wishes
Even if it's just for show
A prince is the frog she kisses
Where fairy tales lie
You'll find Easy Street
Where the good ones never die
(young)

But that ain't the way it works
It's never too easy
If you looks at life's quirks
It's never too easy
(here)

Pinocchio became a real boy
Alice went through the looking glass
Everyone got a brand new toy
And Humpty had class
Because the house is made of candy
When you press the easy button
It's all sort of dandy
(lion)

But that ain't the way it works
Life can't be so easy
But that ain't the way it works
Life ain't so easy
(after all)

How do you know we're not true?
Are you able to know without knowing me?
Did someone tell you what would happen?
Or are you sure without knowing me?

I think there's a time for, "I love you,"
Even if that time is not now.
I think there's a time for us two,
Even if I don't know how.

How can you be so certain,
With so much still yet to learn?
How do you know already?
Or is it the uncertainty you fear?

I think there's a time for courting,
Even if that time is not now.
I think there's a time for closeness,
Even if I don't know how.

This is my story
You can't write the prose
Without consulting me

This is my story
Only One may write it for me
And you could never be Him

This is my story
Don't think you know the pages so well
When the book isn't finished yet

This is my story
I'll script the chapters
You just read the lines

This is my story
My tale to tell
If you're lost, seek the Truth

This is my story
I'll pen it if you please
And He'll make the edits

This is my story
No one else's
So how could you know it better than me?

There is a story
That you meant to tell
A story of you and me
One that will never be

You thought that was my story
You feared that was my words
You misunderstood
And now I am crying

There is a story
That I meant to tell
A story of two lovers
Two lovers are not we

While it is true
I do fancy you
I never said I intended
To do more than be your friend

There is a story
Of misunderstood words
And a man too in love with what is not yet
Who's passion was crush needlessly

I never thought we were meant to be
I never thought we ever had a chance
It's just you remind me so much of her
My love who I still dream of

There is a story
Of two friends who spoke so long
But never really talked
Yet could be so much more

They could be writers
Set at common goals
Close, yet far away
I want you in my story

But not as the other role...

One day I would like to talk with you
Without pretenses, without fear
One day I would like to dance with you
Without worry, without care

I don't know why this happened
I don't know why we hide
I don't know why we can't be honest
But I know we come back again

One day I would like to hug you
Without misconceptions, without confusion
One day I would like to tell you everything
Without running, without hiding

I don't why we stopped
I don't know why it tore apart
I don't know why there's this space
But I know we come back again

Stop right there, don't take another step
I can't let you walk away like that
Not knowing how I feel this time

Stop right there, before you take another breath
Let me tell you the truth this time
Without you, my life seems like less

Stop right there, with what you just said
Don't you see that I love you
That this is the way it should be

Stop right there, I want you to know
I'll wait for you if I must
Until you run it by Him

Stop right there, don't take another step
Not before I can get on my feet
And walk the rest of the way with you

Not of the hearts that men do crave
Not of the emotions that cannot explain
Not of the drugs, from free to slave
Not of the plans, all best lain

Once, broken and hungry
Crying when all alone
You took this from me
And gave me a new Home

Once, beaten and bruised
Running from the fear
Feeling washed up and used
You drew me near

Not of all the worldly desires
Not of all the meaningless words
Not of all the raging fires
Not of all the sheepless herd

Once, You came unwanted
To Save a world that was lost
You ended up hunted
But then You paid our cost

Once, we had no hope
Crying out for restoration
Having no way to cope
You gave us Salvation

There was a time that we had never shared
There was a time I never even knew you
There was a time that we were strangers
But now it's different and I'm lost here

Once I didn't dream of you and me
Once I didn't hope for what could be
Once I didn't want to be together
Now that's what I want until Forever

There was a time I didn't think of you
There was a time that simple things were mine
There was a time I didn't know your voice
But now it's different and I want to know

Once I didn't dream of you and me
Once I didn't hope for what could be
Once I didn't want to be together
Now that's what I want until Forever

I'm not sure what the future holds
I'm not sure if we're ment to be
I'm not sure what you feel
But now it's different and I...

Back against the wall
Bruises seem all too real
Screaming at nothing
Why can't you hear?

This is my story
And I'll write it
With my own sweat and tears
I don't need you telling me how it goes

I sit all alone in the hall
Crying for the lost things
Screaming at nothing
Why can't you hear?

This is my story
And I'll write it
No need for your edits
You're not apart of it

I'm not alone
Not with Him standing here
No longer screaming
I know that He hears

This was our story
We were writing together
But now it's my story
And you're but a chapter

The following tale is mostly true, after a fashion. It is not my will to present anything other than the truth, and these events must be told. However, I must admit the contents of this diary seem, at best, odd. While I do not doubt the original text is still held within the pages, much has been lost from damage and "revisions." If these rewrites and strike outs are penned by the same hand that wrote the original entries or not, I cannot say. What I present now are the pages of the diary in their fullest...

July XX, XXXX

It's been a year since her death, my dear, sweet ________. I remember the first night I met her. It was a chilly December's eve and she had forgotten her coat at the restaurant. We had all met for our monthly get together. Jim had brought her. Jim was always a sporting chap, but not very coy with the ladies. He thought by bringing ________ he could somehow woo her. I was at once enraptured.

Enraptured may even be too soft a word! Oh how beautiful she was! The light of the sun would pale in comparison to her radiance! No master sculptor could every create this kind of beauty. No artist ever paint such a masterpiece. No dress nor jewelry was ever beautiful before she wore it. But I'm rambling... I cannot think. I cannot truly write, for I am a man haunted by memories...

July X5, XXXX

Oh torments of torments! Oh woe of woes! Last night as I lay restless in mine own bed, I dreamt the most unfortunate of nightmares! My love, my sweet ________ was calling out to me from the beyond. I know not how she came to be in my dreams, but there she was! I ran to, as quickly as I could, but alas, I could not reach her! As I neared my love, a swirling darkness overtook her!

Try as I might, the darkness would not subside so I could rescue ________! Oh how I wept upon awaking. The tears now still in my eyes as I pen this entry. My very vision blurred by their presence! I fear sleep for it might bring much of the same misfortune as last night. However, this experience has drained me, and I must rest...

--------------

Ah, how refreshing an afternoon in the garden can be! My earlier dementia is no longer present. I have come to realize that the mind plays strange tricks on one, especially when reliving the death of one's wife. It is hard to believe it has already been a full year since I lost her.

Her illness overtook her suddenly, unexpectedly. No one could understand how she fell with the disease, nor could any of the many doctors we tried in desperation find a cure. Oh how many restless hours we spent in fear. I spent... Even while dying, my dear ________ always smiled. Every morn, even though I hardly slept from fear she would die in her sleep, her smiling face always greeted me. She always smiled, even though I always worried...

July XX, 1XXX

These dreams! Oh how I am tormented by these dreams! As my earlier entries describe the madding nightmares I am faced with near nightly! For the past couple of weeks my sleep has been disturbed with tormenting visions of my ________! Oh why am I so haunted!

This night, the vision was clearer than the last. It was as though vines of utter darkness began to overtake my beloved. Try as I might, I could not reach her, as some unknown, unseen force kept me at bay. Oh my love! Why can I not reach you!?

JXXy 2X, XXXX

It has been two days since I dared pen this journal. My sleep has been fitful at best. My friends worry for my health, but they cannot understand, no one can! My love, my sweet, my beloved! She is in danger! I cannot rest until I save her. I must save ________!

The nightmares have become worse, longer still. I try to save her as she ignores me. Ignores me as she always has. In every dream, ignoring me! Oh, why my sweet? Did I betray you somehow? Please, reveal my error!

--------------

I regret my earlier penning, for it was not wholly truthful. I had begun to speak ill my beloved. She is nothing but beautiful. In my state, I betrayed that beauty, something I will do what I can to avoid.

August XX, 1XXX

It is not my beloved that is being pulled away! It is I! Those vines are overtaking me! Once I realized this, I tried to fight them! They are trying to take me away from her! Yet, I am beginning to think this is best.

While the sickness was destroying her, I was sick with worry. Yet, she would not comfort me! Nay! She went as far as to smile, daily! Like she was laughing, laughing at me! That sickness had so corrupted her, she did not even feel. Sadness, happiness, these were but words to her!

Oh, how I could continue to watch her decay and slip into madness. The doctors assured me that she was find, but it was clear her mind was slipping. She was no longer my beloved, no, not mine. She was becoming some foul thing. When death finally overtook her, I'm sure she was at peace. Yes, peace...

August XX, XXXX

Foulest of foul, betrayers! These so-called friends, these serpents! These monsters! They have been plotting against me clearly! As I have been assaulted nightly by a foul creature in the guise of my beloved, they have been staging a plan to harm me, perhaps kill me!

Questionable sanity? They dare question if I am sane? Am I the only one to understand? No, many cases of visitations have been recorded, I am not the first. Many departed souls visit their loved ones in dreams. The great poets and writers record such themselves! Yet they claim I may have gone mad. I tell you now, I am clearly not daft!

Yes, I was in pain for my beloved, but it was torturous to see her so! ________! I could not see you suffer so! I had to do something! I could not sit by and watch you die. Especially when your doctor was murdered. Though it was a terrible deed, I cannot help but think he deserved it. He would not help you, he refused it! Begging all the while for more money, tell me he would not treat you otherwise! He was paid handsomely, and deserved none of it!

Can I tell you a story?
Possibly the greatest told,
The story of my Lord King?

He didn't have to come,
This didn't have to be.
He didn't have to come,
What couldn't we see?

Can I sing you a love song?
Possibly the greatest sung,
The love song of my Lord King?

Why did He have to come?
Was the world really gone?
Why did He have to come?
Is this sin really wrong?

Can I show you new way?
Possibly the greatest lived,
The new way of my Lord King?

If He never came
This wouldn't be
No Savior, No Friend
No Hope, No Love
We'd all be slaves to hate
Born to be stuck in system
Broken, Tainted
Scared, Sick

I couldn't be free if He never Came
I couldn't stand if He hadn't Died
I couldn't breathe if He hadn't Rose Again
I couldn't laugh if He hadn't Saved me

Now you know what to do,
Pray to Jesus, see it through
He can Save you too

How do I say good-bye
when I still remember your touch?
How do I stand tall
when I still see your smile?
How do I sleep tonight
when I still hear your voice?

What if I held on longer?
What if I was there?
What if I stayed that night?
What if I...

How can I laugh out loud
when I still remember your smell?
How can I walk again
when I still see you standing there?
How can I learn to love
when I still hear your dreams?

What if I held on longer?
What if I was there?
What if I stayed that night?
What if I...

How can I say good-bye?
You're there in my dreams...
How can I say good-bye?
I miss you so much...
How can I say good-bye
when I never let you go?

I cried the other night
When I thought of you
And remember the
Times we spent together

Did you know that night?
Did you try to tell me?

I often wonder if
I've lived a good life
If you'd be proud
Or if you'd cry

Did you know that night?
Did you try to tell me?

I'll never forget that night
Or the promise I try to keep
Because I think I loved you
As dearly as any one before

Did you know that night?
Did you try to tell me?

You are my wildest dream
You are my fondest memory
I'll live a life you can be proud of
And hope you are redeemed

I should have held on longer,
I wish I could have said good-bye...

Do the chains that bind
really have to bind me?
Do the words that sting
really have to hurt so?
Do the tears we shed
really have to be so cold?

It wasn't meant to be this way
when it wasn't meant to be...

Why do fears leave us lonely
and hurts give us pause?
Why do mothers hate their children
and fathers scorn their families?
Why are broken homes common
and additions a way of life?

It wasn't meant to be this way
when it wasn't meant to be...

Is it so hard to hope,
but so easy to cry?
Is it better to run away,
but never stand your ground?
Is it right never to trust,
but always lash out?

It wasn't meant to be this way
when it wasn't meant to be...

Jesus came to save us
when we didn't know
that we needed to be
saved from the darkness
we had always known
and He showed us more.

It isn't meant to be this way
when there's so much more to be.

In the still of the morning
In the chill of the evening
I think of you

As I lay me down to sleep
As I pray to my Savior
I think of you

When we talked the night away
When we discussed our future
I thought of you

You say you don't want to be hurt
And that I can understand, Love
But I could never hurt you now

I thought of you
When we discussed our future
When we talked the night away

I think of you
As I pray to my Savior
As I lay me down to sleep

I think of you
In the chill of the evening
In the still of the morning

I want to be honest
I thought for sure
This time
Wasn't like last time

Yet things didn't
Work as I hoped
This time
And I'm left unsure

So let's play a game
And I'll be your's
This time
I want to be your knight

You can be the princess
And I will come
This time
If this is what you want

No matter what happens
I don't want to repeat
Last time
This time with you

I thought for sure I
Would die the other
Night and I made a
List of everyone
I would like to say
Good-bye to if it
Were true I died

Lists are funny things
They never seem to
Go the way you think
They will if you have
To make them at all
Because you expect
Them to be small

Only I could not
Fathom why I would
Think of telling you
Of all people I
Was going to die
And say good-bye for
Keeps this one last time

Very curious
That you would be on
On my mind at a
Time like that when I
May be no more for
This world except for
One personal fact

Everyone knows that
The heart is a hard
Thing to understand
And this event is
No exception to
This very odd fact of
Life we all find true

Yet I cannot tell
What events will come
To pass with what I
Have come to see now
While I tried to make
A simple list of
People late at night

Oft I have been sad
To find my feelings
Of fancy to be
All but false and I
Cannot bare the thought
Of you crying for
What was really not

Usually I do
Tell others my thoughts
But this time I have
Decided to hide
What I have to say
Until a time that
We are both ready