"Last time," began Dr. Lauren, "we started to talk about the discontent you've been feeling. Could you elaborate for me today?"

Ted closed his eyes, wishing that once they opened again he would no
longer been in this office and no longer faced with the question.
However, as the sun rises to beget the day anew, so did the office
return, and the question remained. Ted took in a deep breath and
started, "Like I said, I'm discontent with things in my life. Everyone
is."

The therapist sighed at the avoidance of the question. Whenever Ted
didn't feel like speaking his mind, he would simply dance around the
issue. Dr. Lauren normally had to back him into a corner just to get a
few words. This professional took the chance. "So I guess what you're
saying is that your discontentment is the same as mine or even my
friends. Seeing as that's the case, I can tell you it's nothing and you
should just ignore it."

Ted looked at the doctor for a moment, almost in shock. He considered
the words for a bit, yet, in all his musing, did not see the vice in
play. He pondered his own thoughts, then replied. "I did not mean that.
I simply said that discontent was common and that it's not so special"
He took a breath, then continued. "I am discontent because I feel like
some thing's off. I know not what is off, but I know it is. I know that
it haunts me as I wake, and torments me as I sleep. I know that my
walking and talking are moved by it. My very being is infected by this
feeling, this thought, this idea. I am not a man moved by passions, yet
I feel passionate in my own case. I feel myself wanting something I
know in my very core should be, yet is not. It is my thought, yet I
cannot express it because, even if I knew who to express it to, I would
not know which words to say." Ted laid to his side, wishing this would
all just go away.

"So Ted," said Dr. Lauren in a calm, soothing voice, "would you like to tell me about these thoughts you've been having lately?"

Ted shallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth and licked his
lips as he considered his response. His therapist was there to ask
these sorts of questions, yet Ted still felt like he was being grilled
by some stranger. Ted had been seeing Dr. Lauren for 3 years now.

"Well," began Ted, "I have had thoughts of just running away and
changing my identity." He looked at Dr. Lauren, who just scribbled some
notes on that same note pad as always.

"Why do you have these thoughts?" inquired the doctor.

Ted sighed and said, "Because it so hard sometimes? Why else do people do think that?'

"I don't know Ted, why do you think that?"

Ted leaned further back in his chair, almost as if trying to disappear
into the chair and escape reality. Ted knew he would have to answer
this question at some point, but if he could avoid it for just a few
more seconds, just a few more, maybe he could somehow just exist
without knowing or caring about his own thoughts. Thoughts, feelings,
dreams, all these things were the topics of these weekly meeting.

"I don't know, I just feel cut off from everyone sometimes," said Ted
at last, his voice cutting through the silence like a hot knife through
ice, slowly melting the frozen water for no real cut and nothing left
of the ice.

"I'm not like everyone else, I don't think like they do. They see me as
different, alien even. I feel and think and move and breathe, yet, I do
all this separate from from them."

Dr. Lauren looked at Ted like a concern parent that looks at their
child when he or she claims they were abducted by aliens. With a shake
of the head, the doctor gave reply, "Ted, you know that people are
different, but no one thinks you're too different or too strange. We've
talked about this before. No one thinks as badly of you as you do."

"I know this," said Ted without frustration, "But aren't we all the
worst judges of ourselves? Don't we all think of ourselves poorly and
pretend we're so monstrous that we're unlovable?"

Dr. Lauren raised an eyebrow at this. "Why love Ted?" asked the therapist, "Why is love the concern here?"

"I think all people just want to be loved," said Ted. "I'm not so different, I know."

"Ted, you're avoiding me again."

"No I'm not, I'm not talking about her this time."

"Ted, we both know you still have feelings for her."

"Yes, so? Is that so wrong? Yeah, she doesn't return my feelings, yet I
don't press the issue. I care about her and I've tried and tired to
stop feeling this way, but I can't!"

Dr. Lauren sighed. "Ted, I'm not trying to tell you your feelings are
wrong, I'm not even telling you to stop feeling them. They are your's
and your's alone and I don't know why you are having them, but you are.
I'm not here to dictate your emotions, I'm here to help you manage
these feelings. I don't want you to get the wrong idea here..."