"So Ted," said Dr. Lauren in a calm, soothing voice, "would you like to tell me about these thoughts you've been having lately?"

Ted shallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth and licked his
lips as he considered his response. His therapist was there to ask
these sorts of questions, yet Ted still felt like he was being grilled
by some stranger. Ted had been seeing Dr. Lauren for 3 years now.

"Well," began Ted, "I have had thoughts of just running away and
changing my identity." He looked at Dr. Lauren, who just scribbled some
notes on that same note pad as always.

"Why do you have these thoughts?" inquired the doctor.

Ted sighed and said, "Because it so hard sometimes? Why else do people do think that?'

"I don't know Ted, why do you think that?"

Ted leaned further back in his chair, almost as if trying to disappear
into the chair and escape reality. Ted knew he would have to answer
this question at some point, but if he could avoid it for just a few
more seconds, just a few more, maybe he could somehow just exist
without knowing or caring about his own thoughts. Thoughts, feelings,
dreams, all these things were the topics of these weekly meeting.

"I don't know, I just feel cut off from everyone sometimes," said Ted
at last, his voice cutting through the silence like a hot knife through
ice, slowly melting the frozen water for no real cut and nothing left
of the ice.

"I'm not like everyone else, I don't think like they do. They see me as
different, alien even. I feel and think and move and breathe, yet, I do
all this separate from from them."

Dr. Lauren looked at Ted like a concern parent that looks at their
child when he or she claims they were abducted by aliens. With a shake
of the head, the doctor gave reply, "Ted, you know that people are
different, but no one thinks you're too different or too strange. We've
talked about this before. No one thinks as badly of you as you do."

"I know this," said Ted without frustration, "But aren't we all the
worst judges of ourselves? Don't we all think of ourselves poorly and
pretend we're so monstrous that we're unlovable?"

Dr. Lauren raised an eyebrow at this. "Why love Ted?" asked the therapist, "Why is love the concern here?"

"I think all people just want to be loved," said Ted. "I'm not so different, I know."

"Ted, you're avoiding me again."

"No I'm not, I'm not talking about her this time."

"Ted, we both know you still have feelings for her."

"Yes, so? Is that so wrong? Yeah, she doesn't return my feelings, yet I
don't press the issue. I care about her and I've tried and tired to
stop feeling this way, but I can't!"

Dr. Lauren sighed. "Ted, I'm not trying to tell you your feelings are
wrong, I'm not even telling you to stop feeling them. They are your's
and your's alone and I don't know why you are having them, but you are.
I'm not here to dictate your emotions, I'm here to help you manage
these feelings. I don't want you to get the wrong idea here..."